02 May, 2016

The Dropkick: WWE Payback 2016 - The Roman Era has Arrived

It's time for WWE Payback, finally placed in it's logical slot after WrestleMania, but containing no WrestleMania rematches, or rivalries that are older than a month. This show is headlined between the ever popular underdog Roman Reigns defending his WWE World Heavyweight Championship against the 'Redneck Rookie' AJ Styles who has yet to make it in the big leagues.

On the Kick-off Show the panel of ‘Experts’ made their cases to become the new General Manager of RAW; because as we all know, WrestleMania 32 has been declared non-canon, which explains why despite losing to The Undertaker inside Hell in a Cell, Shane McMahon has been running the WWE the past month while Vince McMahon, Triple H, and Stephanie have mysteriously disappeared. This is most likely through Home Alone styled shenanigans, where each week Shane places toy cars at the top of the stairs and rigs swinging paint cans to knock the three of them out of the arena.

The ‘Experts’ kept making the case that this is the first Pay-Per-View of a new era, which explains why Kalisto vs. Ryback are once again on the Pre-Show for the US Title for the 100th time, despite neither of them being on RAW or even interacting with each other. Also on the Pre-Show is Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin, which was announced via Twitter just moments before the Pay-Per-View, which pretty much sums up Dolph’s place in the company.

Corbin and Ziggler start things off with Corbin entering to cheers from the ‘Smart’ Chicago crowd, along with his cool new entrance with bright red lights because you know, he’s a bad guy, whereas the good guy Dolph comes out dressed in pink with American Flags on his knee pads to show how much he loves Breast Cancer Awareness and his country.

Baron Corbin’s pants have large brown streaks running down the back of his legs, clearly a little nervous about his first Main Roster Pay-Per-View and his monstrous opponent, which he throws around like a small child without a fight. Corbin shouts at the noisy crowd, living up to his nickname ‘Banter Corbin’, as he revels in the boos from the crowd, only to lose via a Roll Up seconds later and Ziggler quickly rushed up the ramp.

Greg Hamilton wins best two-out-of-three in rock paper Scissors with Tom Phillips, and gets to sit in the big boy chair in the Social Media lounge where he interviewed Sami Zayn about his in-Zayn-ly personal rivalry with Kevin Owens, asking if he will ever trust Kevin again, despite the fact that Kevin Owens attempted to kill Sami Zayn, stole his NXT Championship and injured him enough to force him out of action for several months.

A small squirrel wearing a luchadore mask fights a shaven circus monkey wearing a bad Goldberg Cosplay for the United States Championship. Ryback enters doing former WWE employee and Chicago local CM Punk’s signature entrance, who once called Ryback the worst and most unsafe worker in the WWE, purposefully hurting him in their numerous matches together. To disprove this, Ryback manhandles Kalisto brutally throwing him around the ring, slamming his head repeatedly onto the mat below.

Kalisto murders Ryback with numerous flips and spins, including a brutal DDT to the outside of the ring. Not to be outdone by this, Ryback pulls out a Top Rope Military Press and a murderous Powerbomb which each only get him a 2 count. Kalisto wins after reversing Ryback’s attempt at a Go-To-Sleep into the Salida del Sol and retaining the ‘Prestigious US Title’

AWWWWW, Chicago. Don’t you dare be sour, clap for the most over act in the WWE and FEEEEEEEL the power! The New Day comes out to the biggest pop of the night in which they state that they will sit ringside to see the new Number One Contenders for their Tag Team Championships and Xavier Woods plugs his Twitter, suggesting that Beyonce should slide into his DM’s on Twitter in order to get back on her Husband. 

Enzo and Cass are out first to the second biggest pop of the night, despite only being on the Main Roster for less than a month now making most people back stage cry with envy. Enzo and Cass lay down the verbal beat down on the Vaudevillians in the most entertaining part of the show, making everyone shudder in excitement at the idea of their promos between The New Day and Enzo and Cass. Enzo Amore has a Poop Emoji on the back of his gear as he is beaten down by the Vaudevillians. Big Cass tags himself in to even things up as The New Day are ring side sitting on Beanbags eating Pizza and taking selfies.

The match is ended abruptly as Enzo Amore is tossed into the ropes and his head collides with the second rope and then the mat viciously before he rolls lifelessly outside the ring. The Ref checks on him and throws up the ‘X’ medical staff come out to check on the smack-talking chipmunk but ultimately the bell is rung and the match is over. The commentators put on their best ‘Owen Voices’ to show how serious this moment is as they repeatedly show the hard to watch moment of injury over and over before quickly cutting to a promo package for Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn.

Owens vs. Zayn is next in which Kevin Owens runs his mouth, chastising Sami Zayn and the Ole Chants before the two start beating on each other with powerful forearms like hockey players which makes sense since they are both Canadians. Michael Cole states that Sami Zayn is ‘In a wheelhouse’ which makes as little sense spoken as it does written. Michael Cole is on fire tonight as Sami Zayn hits a Falcon Arrow, to which Cole calls it as a ‘Blue Thunder Bomb’ and then Sami hits a REAL Blue Thunder Bomb shortly after, which he calls as a ‘Traditional Blue Thunder Bomb’. Michael Cole ladies and gentlemen, he gets paid for this….

Kevin Owens dominated Zayn with Two Cannonballs and brutal hits and even a Frog Splash. Despite Zayn’s best efforts which included his signature ring post DDT and a backdrop to the Apron, Kevin Owens wins when he reverses the Helluv Kick into the Pop up Powerbomb. After the match Kevin Owens slaps Zayn and tosses him out of the ring, inviting Byron Saxton into the ring to interview him displaying some great heel work. He states that he is coming back for the Intercontinental Championship and joins the Commentary team for the next match.

The Miz, the Champion comes out first because who cares about tradition, right? Miz is accompanied by his wife Maryse who wears a matching outfit equally as outlandish as her husband's. Cesaro comes out with his new James Bond entrance which is cool as hell and wrestles circles round The Miz for the entire match. The Miz works over Cesaro’s injured shoulder while Kevin Owens on commentary works over Michael Cole and Byron Saxton.

Cesaro shows off his raw power against The Miz before hitting his springboard uppercut which nets him a two count before he goes for the Swing which is reversed. On commentary Kevin Owens continues to be the best out there, before Sami Zayn comes back and launched himself over the desk at Kevin Owens. The two brawled, even getting into the ring, causing the referee to miss The Miz tapping out to Cesaro’s Crossface. Cesaro kicked Zayn and Owens out of the ring, only to be rolled up by The Miz for the three count and he retain his title. Kevin Owens then killed The Miz and heldthe IC Title up high.

Chris Jericho vs. Den Ambrose are next, and I’m pretty sure their feud is over a potted plant. Jericho shouted ‘Shutup’ a lot to Ambrose and the Crowd, at one point crawling over to the referee shouting “He’s killing me!” The commentary team make a good job selling Dean Ambrose as a credible threat by stating ‘He just goes out there and does things’

Ambrose went to put Jericho through the German Announce table, but was reversed and launched over into the Time keeper’s area. Jericho is bleeding from the bridge of his nose somehow? Ambrose hits the WACKY LINE and reversed a Lionsault by raising his knees, and won the match with a Dirty Deeds.

Backstage Mauro Ranallo interviews AJ Styles, asking about former Bullet Club members Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows. AJ’s haircut makes him look like a member of the drama club at high school. Sasha Banks is shown which gets a massive pop, she was alongside Shane McMahon.

To add to the prestige of the new WWE Women’s Championship. Charlotte the champ cameout first, followed by her father Ric Flair. Ric Flair really KILLED IT out there styling and profiling beside her. Natalya came out with her Uncle, Bret Hard to a big pop. Shortly into the match the crowd began to chant, “We want Sasha”, because of course they do.

After a Moonsault Charlotte locks Natalya into the Figure Eight, to which Natalya screamed “No” at her and escapes it. Charlotte then locks Natalya into the Sharpshooter and the ref calls for the bell, re-in acting the Montreal Screwjob. Bret got in the ring and dropped Ric, and he and Natalya put Ric and Charlotte into Sharpshooters. JBL screamed about how “Ric has had enough problems this week” and the two escape shortly after.

With ONE HOUR left on the Pay-Per-View Vince McMahon comes out to a big pop as the crowd sing along to his theme song. As soon as Vince is in the ring the crowd start chanting for CM Punk, the first time Vince ignored it, but the second time Vince acknowledged it which instantly stopped it. Vince knows how to work a crowd so well. Steph comes down to cut a promo on why she should be in charge which is met with loud boos and “Boring” chants. She botched a simple sentence, and then stated that “Shane is Misogynistic” and that because he is a man he wants to be in charge.

Stephanie referenceed that Shane in fact lost at WrestleMania, in the first real bit of continuity this plotline has had in a month. Shane then comes down and shows off the ‘Dirtsheets’ on why he should be in charge as Steph tries to emasculate him poorly. The crowd loves Shane, cheering anything he says as he ‘Shoots’ on some real things that happen within the company and her reign in charge of WWE.

Vince tries to make sense of the storyline and why Shane has been in charge of RAW for a month, stating that he “Does not listen to anyone apart from himself”. CM Punk chants begin again as Vince tells them both that he wants them to literally kill each other, then telling them that, “you are both in charge of RAW, figure it out” killing all momentum this thing has and further proving that their TWENTY SEVEN WRITERS cannot do anything right.

We are taken back to the Kickoff show Panel of ‘Experts’ who tried to play off what just happened as something big. They recapped the Preshow matches and plug the Brand new Camp WWE show on the WWE Network.

A big pop from the crowd as AJ Styles comes out in his Pay per View Red’s, as Michael Cole states that he is a former IGWP Champion…. Really Cole? Roman is not a Good guy, He’s not a bad guy, he’s a Boo’d guy. Roman Reigns comes out to loud boo’s which are quickly muted by the WWE. “Roman Sucks” chants quickly fill the arena along with “You can’t Wrestle” all directed at Roman Reigns before the match even begins.

Any of Roman’s offence is met by boo’s and loud “Ro-Man sucks” chants as he showed off his power, slamming AJ down to the mat repeatedly. Roman hit a wrestling move, which the crowd reply with “you still suck” chants. AJ hit the ‘Phenomenal Forearm’ from inside the ring, outside to Roman putting them both through one of the announce tables outside. AJ tried to pull Roman back into the ring, however, he was lifeless and he got counted out. Your winner by count out AJ Styles! However, Roman is still the champ.

With twenty minutes left, Shane’s music hits and he comes out to announce that this is a ‘New Era’ and this match will be restarted with no Count outs. AJ went to hit a 450 splash from the top rope, but Roman got his knees up. AJ went for another dive, but Roman hit a low blow mid-air. The bell rings and Roman was Disqualified, giving the win to AJ, but with Roman staying champ.

Stephanie came out next, to one up her brother and announce that this match is now a No-DQ match. AJ kills Roman outside the ring before being hit mid-air after going for another Phenomenal Forearm by a Superman Punch which he kicks out of. Anderson and Gallows run down and beat down on Roman, hitting the ‘Boot of Doom’ and then AJ hits another Phenomenal Forearm and the count was broken when Roman gothis foot on the bottom rope despite this now being a NO DQ match in which there are no rope breaks. Continuity everyone.

The Uso’s came down to fight off Gallows and Anderson, but the finish sees Roman dodge yet another Phenomenal Forearm and hit AJ with a spear to retain his title. The commentary put over that Roman is in fact THE GUY here in the WWE.

The Pay Per View closed with Vince, Steph and Shane announcing that Roman and AJ will fight AGAIN at the next Pay per View in an Extreme Rules match, making Finn Balor lose his NXT Championship so quickly at an NXT House Show completely meaningless.

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